Many people struggle with situations that Bill Burnett, in his book «Designing Your Life, describes as» gravity problems. These are circumstances that – like gravity – cannot be changed and therefore don’t really qualify as actual problems. The challenge in everyday life is to recognize gravity problems as such.
A client of mine in outplacement had been the CEO of a mid-sized company. When he took on the role a few years earlier, the company was in a difficult position. With a lot of patience, he managed to turn it around and steer it back onto a successful course. Nevertheless, the owners decided to merge the company with another. He considered this a major mistake and tried, unsuccessfully, to oppose it. As he did not agree with the new strategic direction, he eventually resigned from his position.
Open communication works best
I found his actions understandable and consistent. His accomplishments at the company, as well as the reasons for his resignation, were easy to communicate in a job interview.
However, when we discussed how to explain the reason for his departure in interviews, he had difficulty articulating it. He squirmed and was visibly uncomfortable. I offered him a way to present it that was factually accurate and cast him in a positive light. My client was satisfied, and I assumed the matter was settled.
Only problems can be solved
But during a later job interview training session, he completely stumbled over the question about why he left the company. I was surprised, as the reason seemed clear and unproblematic to me. Eventually, I asked him whether he blamed himself for what had happened. He then expressed his bitterness over the fact that he had not been able to convince the decision-makers of his perspective. Although he had not been in the position to make the final call about the merger, he still felt responsible.
But differing views on a company’s future are not a problem – at most, they are a dilemma. There is no single correct answer, just different assessments. Even in hindsight, looking back at how the company developed after the merger, it will hardly be possible to definitively determine which decision would have been better.
The real skill lies in recognizing and accepting such «gravity problems» for what they are – true to the well-known push prayer: «Give me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change, the courage to change things that I can change, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other ».
Or, to put it a bit less dramatically: At some point, we must take our learnings and file the experience away – often in the folder labeled «Shit happens».
#coaching #executivecoaching #personalitydevelopment
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