In an early episode of the TV series The Big Bang Theory, the awkward Leonard tries to get closer to his attractive neighbour Penny. She asks him: «So, what are you like?» Leonard replies: «How would you like me to be?» Cue loud canned laughter.
What makes us laugh about these highly intelligent but socially clumsy nerds is, in fact, everyday reality on the job market when it comes to self-marketing. This is reflected in the frequently asked question from job seekers: «What do the interviewers want to hear?»
In job interview training it often becomes clear how difficult candidates find it to present themselves as the personalities they truly are. Instead, they try to live up to some imagined ideal.
The best you have to offer
Predominantly self-critical people start to doubt themselves in job application situations. They feel they must be someone else. Under stress we often experience ourselves as deficient, because our weaknesses become more visible.
Naturally self-confident people have the advantage here. Accordingly, they are systematically favoured in applications and promotions. Professional recruitment should compensate for this imbalance. Unfortunately, it is often precisely the least experienced HR staff who are put in charge of recruitment.
A tip for the self-critical: if you believe your personality is not good enough for a position or a work environment, this belief rests on a hypothesis of what the «ideal» candidate should be like. One thing is certain: this hypothesis is wrong – the only question is, by how much. As I explained in the article «What you can learn from a negotiation pro for your job application», we never really know what the other side is looking for – despite all the attempts at description in job ads.
Since you have no idea what you would have to be like in order to be «ideal», you may as well go into the application process as yourself – you are, after all, the best you have to offer.
Do you know what others value in you?
We underestimate how open recruiters and hiring managers can be to different personalities. Think of your circle of friends, which is far more exclusive than any workplace. Is it a group of clones? Or rather, very different personalities, each of whom you value for something quite special?
And by the way: Leonard did eventually manage to win Penny over. We may assume that, as the wisest member of the clique, she harboured no illusions about him. And perhaps it was precisely the quirks he tried to hide that she came to like.